"sintonizzi sul mio cuore"

Welcome to the four corners of my mind... :)

*I dont own this photo all credit goes to FFFFOUND.com

It looks like I’m back, I know it’s been a while but a lot was being done in my absence. Things have changed, most of them being for the better in the long run. There has been discussions thrown up in the air about business offers and deals with companies but nothing has really been set in stone, talk is talk until proven otherwise and I have this gut feeling that nothing will be resolved until later on down the road. I’ve been learning a lot recently as I sit down and observe my surroundings. I’ve learned that nobody ever really knows what path they want to take, nor do they have any sort of plan when it comes to the future. I was talking to an old childhood friend the other day and we were talking about college life and what we hope to accomplish after graduating with our AA’s. Our conversation was, to be bluntly stated, delusional. talk about starting a life and building a successful business empire, even the topic of marriage and the children, the typical “I believe that after I graduate college and get a job I’ll live a happily ever after in no time” conversation. I know it wont come as a shocker to you, but I almost felt like banging my head against a wall. I mean dont get me wrong, I believe in all that crap too but I see a realistic view to it whereas the person before me, was going on and on about a perfect life that is too good to be true! I mean, yeah you might have been in a relationship with the same person for years already, but does that really mean you are going to be together in the long run? I mean, yeah it’s possible but what are the odds? Divorce rates are higher than ever due to cheating and lack of equal control. And a business? Buddy, you cant snap your fingers and have a full grown corporation standing right before you! It’s more like a plant-a-corp. You plant a seed and you wait for it to grow, this isnt instant noodles we are talking about! But here is the thing, everyone thinks like this, hell even I do sometimes but then I remember, you dont know what the hell your doing or saying, what if you made a left turn when you were supposed to go right?! My point is, when it comes to things like career paths and life in general, you never know where the hell your going. It’s like you are running a race blindfolded with no one to really guide you, I mean sure you have people cheering you on but still, you cant see therefore you dont know. If everything would just come as easily as they did in our dreams then none of us would ever be in the place we are now. I can guarantee that about 50% of you wish to be millionaires, 30% of you wish to be famous and 20% of you wish to be a prince/princess that wants to ride ponies for the rest of their lives.

You wanna know something? Even though most of you may feel like time is running out and you need to do things quickly before it’s too late. Truth is, it never is, time waits for you my friend, that’s why it’s called “peaking” some peak before others but that doesnt guarantee them the most success. That just means you got to work harder and then when the time finally realizes that you’re ready, you will reach your peak. Dont rush into things if you dont know what you’re doing take your time and do it right. Test out different things and then settle for the one that makes you the happiest. Trust me, I know. I’ve been walking down that road for a while now and look at me? I’m still walking right? I’m not trying to beat out everyone else or rush to the finish line. Take your time, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

In other news, I’ve been doing well. Things got complicated for a while but everything is slowly starting to smooth out. Plenty of things have changed though, so have people, and I must admit I too have changed a bit. I’ve become more of a “naggy grandmother” by the day. Speaking of which, my grandmother died. No disrespect i swear, when I wrote ‘grandmother’ down she just came to mind. I miss her like hell though. Sometimes I still feel like she is going to call the house and ask how everything is going. Sometimes, I regret not being the best granddaughter that I could have been. We were close but we werent exactly that close and I regret not having that closeness that I should have had with her while she was alive. But hey, that’s life right? there is nothing anyone can do about it but say your prayers and move on. I miss her a lot though, and I miss my grandfather too (he died years ago back when I was in middle school) The thing that brings me down the most of not having them here with me, is not having them really witness me evolve or be there to say “Hey, you did good kid, congrats.” they wont be there to see me take my next step, and they wont be there to witness my success and failure. You know, a week before my grandmother passed she sat me down and told me everything she thought about me from when I was young to when I grew up. She told me that I always stood out from everyone else because I was different, if were to walk into a room people would just stop and look at me (which I thought was totally insane because I’ve always been on the low key but then I realized, she was looking at the greatness that I could be.) She told me that she loved the way I thought and that she knew I could do a lot of things if I really wanted to. You know, every year for my birthday or for a holiday, she would give me notebooks, diaries and journals because she thought I would be an amazing writer one day. Crazy right? Anyways, looking back on those days that I spent with her, not once did I ever tell her how much I cared about her. I regret it.More than you can ever imagine. To the point that after she died, I was sick for a week and a half. I was puking and sleeping none stop and I barely ate, only drinking water and attempting to eat soup. I didnt even go outside for that whole time, only staring out the window as I shivered with a high fever under the covers. But dont worry too much about me, like I said before I am better now even though I cry every now and then, hell I’m crying as I write this entire paragraph about my grandmother.

Ehhh, enough of the gushy stuff! It’s time for me to go now.

Wishing you all the best!

-Em

2 months ago

0 notes